Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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