When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
