I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
