I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
This house was built for laser tag.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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