I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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