I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
