You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
