it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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