Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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