the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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