Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
