is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
