We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
