I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
