New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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