My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
