you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
