also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think I sprained my soul last night
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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