did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
