So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
