What a fucking waste of an outfit
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
