this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
