We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
