Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
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