More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
