i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
