I want to have your abortion
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I currently don't understand fingers.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
