Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
