cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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