I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
