just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
