just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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