from now on my penis is your penis
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
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She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
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I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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