woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you inspire me to be a worse person
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
