do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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