New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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