apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
