I can tuck mytits in my pants
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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