I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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