I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
