A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
