i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
