I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
