it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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