We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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