the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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