we're chasing vodka with high fives
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
