She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
