be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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