Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
