dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
