I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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