final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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