I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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