my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I got inside last night via doggy door
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
