Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
