No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
