A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
