They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
