Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
