Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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